I'm not entirely sure what the fuck Tyra was thinking when she was choosing the outfits for this shoot. I mean, it's not going to make me want to watch ANTM in any way, shape or form. Those are the ugliest outfits ever on ANTM. I swear... cut up leotards and ugly tights to match? FUCK TO THE NO! Those two things are something you'll never wear as a model. Models don't ever have to model leotards and tights. Also, what is up with the make up? Easter egg eye shadow? Those colors are only seen when on acid. This whole shoot is a terrible way to advertise the show and a terrible way of starting off the cycle. BAD TYRA. *sprays with water bottle*
Shall we start analyzing our victims?
ALASIA
I do not see a model. I see a drunk music video whore trying to act like a model. Her body looks terrible... is that pubic hair? Does she actually have a treasure trail? Because that is mortifying if she does. The only thing I like about her are her eyes. They have a really nice shape to them... very gorgeous.
ALEXANDRA
Aaaah, we have a plussie on our hands. I think. The only thing that looks plus-sized about her are her thighs, and they aren't even that big. I suppose she is on the thicker side... but nowhere near a plus-sized model. We need to fatten her up! Tyra, give her some of your ribs. About her face, it seems really... big. She has a big-ass head. She really does have gorgeous features, though. I hope she goes farther than I think she'll go.
ANGELEA
This is possibly the most stripper-like girl on ANTM I've ever seen, based on this photo. That hair is fucked up... the bangs DO NOT work, and the coloring is all sorts of wrongitude. She is a goner for me. Which means she'll have a lengthy stay on the show. Greeeeeat.
ANSLEE
What a name, "Anslee"... it's pretty, though. But it rhymes with "pansy", and she kind of looks like one. What's that nasty smell you are smelling? Oh wait, you're just trying to look edgy and pissed off. Well it ain't doing ya any good, honey. I love her jaw, that's about it. Lose the tummy.
BRENDA
Poor girl, I wonder what happened... maybe she got attacked by a shark. Well, she's a gorgeous girl... very old-looking, though. Old is not my cup of tea, I'll tell ya that right now. She has one of the best bodies so far. Maybe she'll do well.
GABRIELLE
Hmm... her body looks good, definitely. I can't get over her fishy face, though... maybe it's just the expression she's giving. The hair color is all right. What is with Tyra giving ethnic girls honey blonde hair? It's grindin' my gears, yo. I think she'll go far. She has an unforgettable look.
JESSICA
Oooooooooo! I'm lovin this one! Her body is great... very long legs and a killer torso. That face is very pretty and soft... hopefully she'll be able to work the edginess too. She's one of the only ones who makes the leotard work. Jessica, I hope to see you in the Final 2!
KRISTA
I'm loving this girl as well. She has a killer body and great skin, and she works with the outrageous styling. She looks very tall... I hope she goes far. Holy fuck, she's old? Never mind. I want freshly baked models. And that is NOT you, Krista.
NADUAH
I'm bored already. She has an edgy look, but... I don't know. I dislike her. She seems dead. No energy, no life, no nothing. She has potential, but I don't see her going far. What great legs, though. Maybe she'll pull a miracle and win the whole thing. Or maybe she'll be first out. Hmm...
RAINA
What an outstanding photograph! She is working everything here... her strong eye contact is piercing... love the pose, it's very confident and powerful. The movement of the hair is great as well. I really really hope she goes far, especially since she is from my home state, Minnesota. HOLLA!
REN
I don't like flat, pancake faces. They're unattractive and very difficult to photograph in a way that their pancake qualities aren't obvious. She has one of the best bodies in the competiton, though... I suppose we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
SIMONE
I take back what I said about Ren... SIMONE has the best body of the competition. And probably the best face as well. This girl is flawless... I love the humble qualities in her facial expression. This is a gorgeous photo. I hope she makes it far!
TATIANNA
WHAT IS UP WITH THE HONEY BLONDE!?!?!!?!?!?! God Almighty, it doesn't look good, Tyra! It doesn't! It makes poor Tati look like a frackin tranny! Ugh. I love this photo... she has a lot of sex appeal... lovely. BUT THE FUGGIN HAIR RUINS IT. I am very disappointed.
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Overall, this is a pretty janky cast. I hate the honey blonde trend. I absolutely hate it with a passion. A couple of girls really stand out, but as always, they won't win. Because Tyra is plotting each and every cycle against me so that none of my picks win. I'M ONTO YOU, TYRA BANKS! YOU JUST WAIT! YOU'LL SEE! YOU'LL ALL SEE! *dies*
CALLOUT ORDER
13. Alasia - the pose is very broken, and you look thick.
12. Angelea - I know it's not exactly your fault, but I hate your makeover & it makes you look bad.
11. Naduah - DO SOMETHING! You bore me!
10. Anslee - You are not pissed off. Don't try to fool me, you bitch.
9. Gabrielle - The fishy facial expression ruins the shot.
8. Brenda - Your body is hawt, but no one will hire an amputee. Watch your posing!
7. Alexandra - It's very natural, but rather boring.
6. Ren - You look like you're trying too hard with your eyes, but other than that, not bad.
5. Tatianna - Lovely pose, but the makeover ruins everything.
4. Krista - It's a little lackluster... I want more than this.
3. Jessica - It's a little stiff, that's what brought you down.
2. Simone - Everything is gorgeous. Love it.
1. Raina - PERFECTION! Very powerful and eye-catching. Wonderful work!
ELIMINATION ORDER BASED ON THESE PHOTOS (WANT/THINK)
13. Angelea/Brenda
12. Alasia/Alasia
11. Gabrielle/Gabrielle
10. Naduah/Naduah
9. Anslee/Krista
8. Brenda/Anslee
7. Ren/Angelea
6. Krista/Ren
5. Tatianna/Jessica
4. Simone/Tatianna
3. Alexandra/Raina
2. Jessica/Simone
WINNER: Raina/Alexandra
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